Wandering through

Hey kids,

So I've been feeling a bit lost lately.  I just graduated and have been pretty much desperatly searching for work.  The animals in Homeward Bound have more direction than I do. (Does anyone remember that movie?  Sally Field was a cat.  Brilliant.)  Besides being a horrible economy/job market, I am now doubting all of my choices I've made to get to here.  Don't get me wrong, I love costume design and I'm sure if I was working right now I'd never give it a second look.  But being jobless gives me LOTS of time to think about what I want from life.  You know, more than just a job.

I want desperately to travel, and if you've read other posts you know I got my first taste of it this summer.  Europe was delicious in every sense of the word.  I want to see every corner of the world, experience different cultures, and learn new languages.  Problem is, this can be very expensive.  There are countless blogs out there that can tell you how to backpack your way around the world for very cheap, but I want to really be able to see things, eat awesome food, see live performance art...buy mementos.  I am so impressed by others' ability to get by on the smallest budgets, but its not me.  I like my Chanel lipstick, thank you.

I want to really make a difference - an impact.  Theatre folk talk all the time about how we influence audiences perspectives, and can use theatre as a protest against the wrongs of the world.  But it's nothing compared to what people give up to help others.  Theatre is food for the soul.  But what good is that is there's nothing on the table for the stomach?

I'm no saint though.  I also want to be able to make a living that will allow me to pay my bills on time.  I don't need a lot - just enough that the stress of paying debt doesn't bury me.  And maybe a new pair of high heels once in awhile would be nice.

I want to be able to say I've really lived up to my full potential.  Sometimes I feel like there is this greatness welling up inside of me just waiting for the chance to get out.  I love theatre.  I love costume design.  But it's not enough.  It can't give me everything I want from life.

So, what do I do now?

-Cass